Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
