I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
