This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize