She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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