dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
