First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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