non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
