I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
