I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
