I think I died a long time ago.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
