Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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