it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
