just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
