I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize