He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
