For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
