I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
