what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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