YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she smelled like a LAN party
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
