maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
