Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
