Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
