Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
