i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
