'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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