Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize