I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize