so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In other news, I just burned my penis
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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