my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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