At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize