i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize