Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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