please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
