Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize