Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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