Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize