worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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