Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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