11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
