Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize