I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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