Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize