he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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