i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
