Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
