ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
