he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
