woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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