Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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