Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
