I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
