Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
