I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
God, I missed his penis.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
