There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
