those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
