i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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