I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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