and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
