I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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