Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
