Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
