that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
