is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
