i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
