I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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