My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There r osticjed everywhere
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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